Stuff.....for now.

I feel really disappointed. I never wanted to be in a sorority, but now that everyone else is, I feel left out completely. It's just weird. I don't like it.

Moving Day Blues

So i'm moving. and i don't want to. In a little over a month i'll be living in athens, starting school. i don't want to go! i don't want to move, i don't want to go to Georgia, i don't want to do any of it. i'll be hours away from home, from my best friend and family, over an hour away from caleb, even more when he is working who-knows-where. there are just so many things that make me feel that it is so wrong!

1. I'm not excited about it.

I think this is a big one, so i put it first. shouldn't i be excited about going off and being on my own? living in my own apartment, doing things for myself, not having to answer to anyone. i should be happy about things like that. being at school, taking classes that will set me up for my career, meeting people who will supposedly be my friends for life. it's a really hard thing to deal with and i don't feel ready. i should be excited, like caleb is about tech. he is so ready to move in and be there and work and be an engineer. i, on the other hand, have no feelings other than complete dread.

2. I still don't feel like i know what i want to do.

I really think the major i have chosen sounds fun- but is it what i am supposed to be doing? i'm just not sure. i'm interested in so many things! i've gone from journalism to history to fashion merchandising and now i'm thinking about some type of religious studies. i am just not feeling what i should do. what if i hate my consumer journalism classes? what if i'm not good at it? what if they all turn out to be like my accounting class? and why doesn't this site have spell check?! it is amazingly annoying.

3. Being far away from caleb.

caleb and i have't had the greatest time lately. it's been pretty hard for us. a lot of fighting, anger, the works. i just don't think that us being over an hour apart will be good for us.

Post-Teenage Blues

I turned 20 yesterday. A day that should have been happy. A day that should have been great. Instead, I am hurt, tired, and haven't spoken to Caleb in over twenty four hours. i don't know what to do about it. it hurts. he hurts me. i'm tired of being angry, though. i told him a few weeks ago that if things didn't change soon, i couldn't be in the relationship anymore. i feel like i am getting closer and closer to that point.

texting that stupid girl
being rude
not talking
not wanting to come to my house.


i don't like him.