I'm a dreamer. Literally. When I close my eyes at night, my brain takes me into another world. I have the most wonderfully vivid dreams. The kind where you wake up either laughing, scared to death, or wondering which is real- the dream or you waking up from it. Most of the time, I love these dreams. I always remember them, so they make for some awesome stories- like me and Sara being best friends with the Jonas brothers, or Wesley and Nathan serenading me.
The downside to these dreams are the ones that make me wake up and wish I hadn't. For the past year, I have been dealing with dreams that center on my love for Caleb and how lonely I am without him. Because the dreams are so vivid, I can't shake them when I wake up. I remember how I feel in my dreams- how I feel when he tells me he loves me, how he never should have left, and how he'll spend his life making it up to me. I dream the most amazing and romantic moments, then wake up to find myself alone in my bed, crying over what isn't real. It is hard. It is depressing and hard to bounce back from, so I spend the rest of the day in a fog, not really seeing or hearing anything around me.
A year of this has been one of the most difficult things to deal with, and about a week and a half ago, I completely broke down while getting ready for bed. I had just had another dream the night before, and it was a really bad one. The whole day, I had just been bogged down by it and couldn't seem to rise above it. Instead of just feeling sorry for myself and succumbing to sleep and, more than likely, another dream, I decided to reach out to someone.
My Ivy. My prayer warrior. Whenever I need something, she is there. No judgement, not many questions, just an unconditional and immediate "yes" when I ask her to pray for me. On this night, I poured my broken little heart out to her, knowing she would say something I needed to hear. And she didn't let me down:
"The only thing I know is to tell you to stay in the Word. Eat it. Especially before you sleep....it's hard. So hard for me. I think that's when he tells us to take every thought captive...replace those thoughts with His truth. Satan will hate that."
I hope she doesn't mind me sharing her words! When she said "take every thought captive," I knew I needed to hear that. I grabbed my Bible and looked up the passage:
"We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Cor. 10:5)."
Ivy and I had this conversation early in the morning on March 11. I went to sleep a little while later, all the while repeating "take every thought captive," praying that my slumber would be different.
It was. And now it is March 21- TEN DAYS later- and I have not had one of those dreams since. It has been glorious. Repeating those words, "take every thought captive," has been the best decision I have made in a long time. I am so incredibly thankful to my Jesus for taking away the dreams, even if it is just for a short time. Even if the dreams come back tonight, after I post this, I know He hears me. I know He loves me. And I know He sent me people like my precious Ivy to help me.
3 comments:
Dang. Obviously I need to do this because I've had a dream about you know who LITERALLY every time I sleep, even naps. And it's driving me crazy. Our God is good tho.
our God is so faithful even when we are not. He never ignores His children..and for that I am so grateful.
thank you for letting me be a part of your life. you know i will hit my knees anytime...day or night that you need me to. i love you so very much. you are one amazing woman of God.
I know exactly how you feel, girl. honestly I do. it is hard. but take heart! it DOES get easier. I'll say it again: IT DOES GET EASIER. it takes time and prayer and allowing God to heal your heart. but He will. He is FAITHFUL!
and eventually you will be able to see him in the grocery store and literally not give it a second thought, as if he was a stranger. it's so cliche, but time heals all wounds.. with a little help from Someone ;]
I second Ivy's motion.. any time, day or night. [you too, Ans] -- where two or more are gathered in His name, there He will be also! I believe that this applies to not just the physical gathering but the spiritual gathering as well. there is power in prayer and power in numbers, two of my favorite things.
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