Missing You.

My Aunt Jan died on Tuesday. Right now my parents are in Pitts, GA, at her house with my Uncle Robert, getting ready to go to the funeral home. I couldn't bring myself to go with them. She has always been at the house, and I just didn't want to attempt to be there around everyone, crying and hugging and remembering.

My Aunt Jan is my Granny's youngest sibling. My Granny is the oldest, and there are six in between them. Jan was born after my Granny had already moved out of the house and gotten married. In fact, my Uncle Ronnie, my Granny's oldest child, is older than Jan by about six months.

Jan and Robert live in Pitts, their (and my Granny's) hometown. They used to live in a tiny little trailer across from my great-grandma. When she died about ten years ago, Jan and Robert moved into her house.

Jan was not well, physically. I'm not exactly sure what was wrong with her, but it was something that caused her to not be able to walk well on her own, lately not at all. She was very swollen and couldn't move around. Her day consisted of sitting on the couch, watching tv and playing with her dog, Odie. My Uncle Robert would come home from lunch, help her do things she needed to do and get her lunch, then head back to work.

My mom, my granny, my sister, and I used to go up there all the time, especially when my great-grandma was alive. We would watch tv, climb up the tree outside the living room window, and play dress-up with my great-grandma's scarves. After she died, we went up there to keep my Aunt Jan company. We would bring lunch to fix for her and Robert, watch tv, play with the dog, and talk about the things that were happening in their town.

The last time we went up there was right after Christmas. We did all of the normal things I've already mentioned. As we left, I kissed her on the cheek and told her I loved her. I never even suspected that it would be the last time I saw her.

So here I sit, writing my blog instead of spending hours with my family, talking about her and her death and the arrangements. I know people have their own way to deal with things, and I guess this is part of mine.