Worries on My Mind

The verse I have adopted as my personal favorite is Matthew 6:34. It states "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Having said this, I must confess that I am probably this biggest worry-wart of anyone I know- except maybe my mother!

I'm a nineteen year old who lives at home, has an awesome part-time job, and a wonderful boyfriend. What could I possibly be worried about? In an word: college. This is my last semester at Darton. I graduate in May, and have to decide where I am going to transfer. This is proving to be impossible for me.

I spend most of my free time on collegeboard.com, looking up the colleges on my list, checking deadlines, filling out applications, and researching the classes I would have to take. At Darton, I am a journalism major, but, when I transfer, I will become a history major. History: a subject that has always had my undivided attention, whether it has been American, World, or Ancient. I soak it up like a sponge that never reaches its saturation point. I should be majoring in it now, but that just goes to show my indecision.

I've always been an indecisive person. I really have tried to work on it. This is just one decision that definitely is not coming easily to me. Then again, this is coming from the person who was supposed to get a car for her high school graduation in 2006 and finally decided on a car in November of last year. There are just too many things to consider. Where will I live? Will I have someone to live with when I get there? Will I make any friends? Will the classes I choose compliment what I want to do with my life? Will it be difficult for me and ruin my perfect GPA? How far do I want to be away from my parents, my sister, my boyfriend, and my beloved dog? Will I be able to get another part-time job that is as great as the one I have now, with the same flexible hours to accommodate my classes? And what in the world will I do with all of the scrubs I've accumulated by working in a scrub shop for the past year?

I have been told I over think things. Some people might say that's what I am doing with this decision. "You can always transfer," they might tell me. But I disagree. I don't WANT to have to transfer if the college I choose doesn't work out right. I want to go to the place I need to be, and stay there. I want to meet new friends to replace the old ones who I've realized aren't the greatest people to be around. I want to be close enough to come home when I want to, but far enough away to be on my own. Most of all, I want to make the decision that will stop this constant worrying that doesn't leave, no matter how hard I try to put it behind me. I've equated it to feeling like a huge burden is just constantly on my shoulders, and the only way to get it off is to make "the decision."

Until then, I continue to tell myself to not worry about tomorrow; I will be taken care of, no question about it. Whether or not I listen myself is a completely different topic.